SMART Youth Answers: How do I talk about safe sex with my partner?

I'm really nervous talking to my partner about using a condom - How do I start the conversation?

First of all, before we get down to business, I want to take a moment to say, you should be very proud of yourself for deciding to go ahead and have “the talk” with your partner. This isn’t always the easiest conversation to have. However, you should keep in mind that by doing it, you are taking charge of your own health and safety as well as your partner’s, and once you clear the air you will feel much better.

So you’re ready to take the next step with your partner, but you have decided to have a talk to your partner before having sex. Don’t worry if this brings up a lot of feelings, such as embarrassment, concern of what he/she will think, or fear of a negative reaction. Some people might even avoid the topic because they feel that they don’t have all the facts about STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and what exactly goes into having safe sex. However, you should keep in mind that your partner could be feeling the same way, and this is a conversation every couple should have before starting to engage in any sexual activities.

It’s important to know that just because someone doesn’t have symptoms of an STI, they could still ave one. That means that you could still be at risk. That is why it is so important to have “the talk” with your partner. I know it can be difficult to figure out how to start the conversation or what questions you should ask. Here are some questions to keep in mind, and remember it is very important to be honest about your answers.

1. How many sexual partners have you had?

It’s important to be truthful about your past relationships. You don’t have to go into detail about why the relationship ended, but for your partner’s sake its best not to keep any skeletons in the closet.

2. Have you ever gotten tested for STIs and when was your last test?

Don’t be embarrassed if you have never gotten tested before. If both you and your partner need to be tested, you could plan to go together at any one of the clinics in your area.  In NYC you can use this website to find a free testing site near you: http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/std/std2.shtml.

3. What about using condoms?

There are a huge variety of condoms, but you don’t need to get overwhelmed by the selection. You can make shopping for condoms fun, just like shopping for shoes or picking out ice cream flavors.  If shopping for the perfect condom isn't your idea of a fun time, you can always go to any number of clinics, hospital or even school health care centers to pick up a free condom. Read more about the different types of condoms here: http://smartyouthnyc.blogspot.com/2012/09/10-days-of-activism-day-4.html. There are two kinds of condoms female condoms and male condoms.  If you are not sure of how to use a female condom properly go here: http://smartyouthnyc.blogspot.com/2012/09/10-days-of-activism-day-2.html.  For directions on how to properly use a male condom check out the video at the end of the post. Remember by using a condom you are protecting your health and your partner’s health.

SMART Youth Answers: I'm a Vagina, not a Bouquet of Roses!

I'm really nervous about my vagina smelling bad, should I douche? 

We are all self-conscious about our bodies and its smells on a daily basis, that's why we buy Kim Kardashian's perfume! And our fears only get worse during sex, especially as women.  That's the last complaint we want to hear.  We've all seen the commercials telling us that we're right to be self-conscious and that douching is the only way to fix it.  So, it is time to tell the truth and get down to the basics of vaginas.

First, we'll get down to the nitty-gritty of what douching is.
Vaginal douches may consist of water, water mixed with vinegar, or water mixed with antiseptic chemicals (and scents).  The idea is that a woman is to "flush out" her vagina with this mixture in order to "clean" it and decrease any vagina 'smells'.

Now that that's all cleared up, we can move onto why you SHOULD NOT douche!

1. You're HURTING your Va-Jay-Jay!
Douching usually causes the vagina's lips to dry out, which increases tearing.  That means it increases the risk of contracting and/or spreading an STI or HIV.  The flip side of vaginal dryness is that it also decreases sexual pleasure!

2. Whatever the mixture is (vinegar, water, antiseptic chemicals), it's not your vagina's natural chemistry!
If anything, the change in chemistry of your vagina can increase an odd smell... which then defeats the purpose of trying to make your vagina smell like an "ocean breeze!" Your vagina is a vagina and has a vagina smell. Since we all have unique vagina's we have to keep track of what a "normal" odor is for you and what is an 'abnormal' smell. If you are worried, go to your GYN! It could be nothing, or it could be something. Always better to be SAFE than SORRY!

3. Your vagina cleans itself!
Your vagina is a pretty amazing body part.  It is built to be independent. The natural processes of your vagina makes it self-cleaning, which is pretty amazing when you think about it! Your vagina does not need outside chemicals helping her keep her room clean. She's got this.

With all that being said, here is something else to keep in mind -- Your vagina's odor will change depending on: 

• What you eat (also changes the taste...some people say)

• Your laundry detergent

• Time of the month (before menstruation, definitely during, and after menstruation)

• Types of soap

• If there is an infection...Which is WAY MORE likely if you douche!

So, why is douching bad for the vagina? Douching can flush bacteria INTO the uterus and fallopian tubes, leading to infections like:
Bacterial Vaginosis: This causes an off-white vaginal discharge with usually a fishy sort of smell.
Pelvic Inflammatory Disease: This causes and inflammation of the uterus, fallopian tubes, and/or ovaries. It can cause scarring inside the reproductive organs and lead to infertility, and it is very painful (especially during intercourse) and causes irregular menstrual cycles.

After all this you probably want to just love your vagina and say "Be Free Girl!"

I think that should be enough... but I'll leave you with a message from your vagina:

SMART Youth Answers: I Touch Myself

What is masturbation?

                               

                                                 Divinyls- I Touch Myself

Masturbation is the act of "self-love" or more accurately, "solo sex act". It is when you reach orgasm by touching your own genitalia. You can use sex toys during masturbation as well.  The technical terminology is that stimulation is provided to different erogenous zones (areas on the body that have heightened sensitivity and provide sexual arousal.)  These zones are different for females and males.

Females: nipples, vagina, g-spot, clitoris

Males: Penis, scrotum, prostate gland

Commonly shared erogenous zones are the mouth (lips), earlobes, and neck BUT people have different levels of sensitivity when touched on certain areas of their body. 

Females  

Female masturbation is when a female provides stimulation to her clitoris, within her vaginal canal (g-spot stimulation), or all of the above.

-The clitoris is a little pouch above the urethra that becomes engorged with nerves when aroused.

-The g-spot is a bean-shaped, spongy tissue, and composed of erectile tissue, so it swells when blood rushes to it. 

 

There are numerous ways for females to provide stimulation to these parts: 

- A handy-dandy, HAND! Different motions and speeds with your own hand will give you a feel of your own body.

-Vibrators and other sex toys: different vibrators provide different speeds and motions, and different sex toys can touch and stimulate different points of the female genitalia. 

Males 

The penis does not have has many hidden erogenous zones like the vagina.  So, it's a little simpler to figure out how to get started when it comes to masturbation. There is the head of the penis (which may or may not still have foreskin- depending on if the male was circumcised or not). Then there is the shaft of the penis, which leads to the scrotum, holding the testicles. The main point of male satisfaction is through stimulation to the penis with different pressures and speeds against the shaft and the head of the penis. 

Orgasm is more easily achieved for a male because of anatomy. This means masturbation for a male usually also consists of a hand.
BUT males get toys too for their masturbatory needs.
Flesh lights are a silicone based male sex toy. They replicate the vagina, anus, and mouth. Creators of flesh lights have taken some creative liberties and you can even find vampire, alien, and glow in the dark flesh lights. The male inserts his penis into the opening of the flesh light and continues with whatever rhythmic motion suits his fancy.

Both males and females may seek a visual aid during masturbation, like porn or pictures. It is up to the person's taste. Masturbation is one way someone can get to know their body on their own. 

When engaging in sex you can voice which way you like to be touched if you've figured it out for yourself, and maybe your partner will do the same. 

Communication and Satisfaction!

SMART Youth Answers: I Lube You

How do I know what lubrication works with my condoms?  

Most condoms are made of latex. In order to make sure the lubrication you do use does not cause the latex material to break down, get a WATER-BASED lubrication. 

If your condom is made of polyurethane (like a female condom) you can get away with an oil-based lubrication.

There are also silicon-based lubrication that can be used on all condoms.

DO NOT USE VASELINE, OLIVE OIL, ETC. It can cause an infection when inserted into the body and will also break down your condom.

You can find a lube to suit any of your fancies, just like finding the right condom for yourself. There are flavored lubricants, warming lubricants, cooling lubricants, etc. Search for yourself and see what works best with your body, your condoms, and your partner!

SMART Youth Answers: They Put What WHERE?

What's going to happen when I go get tested for a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) or HIV?

First of all, congratulations for taking care of your health and the health of your sexual partner by getting tested.  Give yourself a hand -- not that kinda hand (we have a separate blog for that topic).  Okay, there are several ways to get tested for HIV/AIDS.  There is a blood test, but most likely your first test will be the Rapid HIV Test. This test is a swab in the mouth then shows the results in 20 minutes.  They are working on an at-home test, but we always think it is best to go to the professionals for the most accurate results. Either test reveals whether or not your body is producing HIV antibodies.  If the result is negative, a follow-up test is suggested within six months or when you have a new sexual partner.

Hepatitis C Virus (HCV) has a similar Rapid Test, that will give the results in 20 minutes. Except the HCV test pricks the finger and draws a small sample of blood in order to get results.

For infections like Chlamydia and Gonorrhea the test is either a swab of the genital area or a urine sample. Trichomoniasis is tested with a swab of the genital area as well. This can mean for males there may be a testing Q-tip inserted into the urethra in order to obtain a sample to be tested. Just a fair warning.

Syphilis is tested through a blood sample. Herpes can be tested through a blood sample as well if there are no signs of genital warts. This test is expensive though and usually not part of standard STI testing routine. If there are visible warts, a swab is taken of the area in order to test whether or not it is a herpes of HPV genital warts strain.

When testing for HPV, the type that causes cervical cancer within women, a Pap Smear is preformed by your gynecologist. A pap smear is a swab of the cervix. It can be slightly uncomfortable, but it is quick. Pap tests detect cervical cell changes, NOT HPV. If there are abnormal cells in the results, that is usually a result of an HPV infection. An HPV DNA test and biopsy (colposcopy) can be done as a follow-up routine.

It seems like a lot, and slightly intimidated, but this is for your sexual health and your partners.
It is best to get tested either every six months, after every change of a partner, or if unprotected sex has occurred.       

SMART Youth Answers: I'M NOT POPCORN!

When is my cherry actually "Popped"? What does "popping my cherry" really mean?

 Laci Green (Sex+) has a wonderfully detailed video about what I will explain about the HYMEN.

1.The hymen (AKA the cherry) DOES NOT POP!
BTW -- it really doesn't look like a cherry either. It is actually a thin layer of tissue that covers a portion of the vaginal entrance.

2.What does happen to hymen? It TEARS and this happens in lots of ways that has nothing to do with sex. If a female lands on something that is in-between her legs with force (like horse back riding, bike riding, gymnastics), the hymen can tear. It is a very sensitive and thin sheet of tissue.

3. Since the hymen can tear at other times in a females life other than her "sexual debut," this is not a very reliable way to determine if she is a virgin. Even if the hymen is around doing the first penis-vagina sex act, the hymen can tear the first time of sex or it can still be there afterwards. The hymen may even tear the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. time of sex depending on how relaxed the body is, whether or not there is enough lubrication, etc.

4. However, it can be painful for the female when the hymen tears particularly when a penis is involved. In order to prevent pain and significant tearing it is suggested to use LUBE and engage in foreplay in order to give more elasticity to hymen for smoother entry.

Here's the most interesting fact about the hymen: The hymen CAN repair itself! So if there is a period where the hymen is not being pushed to the side for entrance into the vagina, it can start to cover the opening in it's semi-original state again.

So there you have it. Here's the breakdown about a woman's "cherry" and what is "popped":
-The hymen does not POP, it tears.
-When it does tear-- it doesn't have to happen during sex.
-Since it does not only tear during sex, it can't be a test to tell if someone is a "virgin".
-In order decrease tearing (and pain), lubrication is the best tool to help the hymen adjust to the entry of any object into the vagina.   

SMART Youth Answers: A Sexy Smell

I've heard people say something smells like "Sex", but what does that mean? Can something actually SMELL like SEX?

What people interpret as a "sex" smell (in the case of Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body, it's Thai Food- see the clip above) is entirely up to the individual.

Here's a break down  of the basics behind what a "sex" smell consists of:

1. Sweat
Sex is essentially an exercise. When someone does a strenuous activity their body produces sweat in order to maintain an equilibrium temperature. When your body is emitting sweat due to the activity of sex, and your partner(s) body is emitting sweat, and you're rubbing up against each other--- that's more heat, more sweat, and thus, a component to a "sex" smell.

2. Pheromones 
During the act of sex there is a release of a lot of different chemicals, and two (or more) people's body chemistry are mixing on the surface. One of the chemicals released is called a "sex pheromone" which is supposed to attract members of the opposite sex in order to reproduce. Human beings release this chemical during sex (since it is a reproductive act) in order to ensure attraction from the opposite sex prevails, so reproduction will continue within the species. Even if the act is with someone of the SAME sex, the body still reacts the same. Biology does not discriminate in this sense. The scent of pheromones isn't something you can actually "bottle", but subconsciously we can pick up on this scent. However, the scent tends to stay contained within the genital area.

3. Soap/Deodorant/Perfume/Landry Detergent/etc.    
Whether the sex was planned and you spritzed yourself with a little Chanel No. 5, or you just got back from the gym and your deodorant is working at full strength, your body is still holding onto these external scents. During sex, mostly through the sweat, the odors from lotions, perfumes, or any other products you use on your body will be released and contribute to the unique "sex" smell being created.

4. Vaginal Discharge/Semen
While neither of these fluids are extremely strong, they do have a scent. Their scent (as well as their taste) varies from person to person depending on diet and body chemistry. Both of these fluids are released during sex... and are not always "contained" to one area, thus, spreading their scent--- or what little odor they do give off.

These are the major factors that create that "sex" smell. There are some minor factors as well like:
-The scent from the material of the condoms being used (since we should always practice safe sex)
-The scent from the lubrication being used in conjunction with the condoms
-Mood Candles, Incense, Room sprays, etc.

There you have it. An explanation of what goes into the smell of "sex".
It's unique to everyone, and can be interpreted in so many ways, like art...
Now isn't that a poetic concept.