If you want to make a difference and help others while learning about sexual health and keeping yourself safe, then you need to join SMART Youth! You can come to any of our events around the city or come to one of our movie nights or Open Mic events. Check out our schedule to learn what we are doing or e-mail sync.nyc@gmail.com.
Over the years, we've seen our youth grow up within SMART
Youth. Whether it was about safer sex or tips on how to write a resume, our
youth have learned so many skills through our workshops and meetings. It’s
important to have knowledge and skills, but what’s more important is what we do
with it.
So we asked the question: Which ways have you used what
you've learned in SMART Youth outside of
SMART Youth?
There were many different answers. Some spoke about how
being involved in SMART Youth has allowed them to be a source of information or
resources for their friends and peers. One person even spoke of how she hosts
sex education events on her college campus. Another participant said that
talking about current event issues in sex and sexuality made him more aware of
situations that are happening, and that SMART Youth provided a safe space to
discuss these issues.
Others spoke about how the skills they've learned through
meetings and workshops have helped them become better communicators. This is an
important skill that is not only used for maintaining personal relationships,
but for other parts of life like having a job.
We’re excited to know that our youth are not only benefiting
from our workshops, but that they are also spreading what they've learned from
SMART Youth!
When you hear or see the word “Porn”, what things come to
mind? Maybe it’s excitement about a favorite scene from a video you saw. Or
perhaps it’s disgust because of the types of scenes that are filmed. Porn produces
a range of feelings and emotions, making it a controversial topic for many
people.
Pornography is generally defined as the portrayal of sexual
acts through films, photos, magazines, novels, and more; but most people
commonly refer to videos and movies when talking about porn.
Before the internet, someone had to buy magazines or go to
an adult movie theater in order to see pornographic images. Since the advent of
the internet, porn has not only been extremely accessible to the public, but it
allows people of younger ages to access it.
For every person who supports porn, there are just as many
who do not; and all for different reasons.
So, is porn bad or good? The answer is very complex and personal,
but we’re here to guide you through the pros and cons.
The Good
It’s a safe space to
help you learn what turns you on or not
There are many types of porn available, based on certain
interests, desires, and fetishes. Porn gives you the opportunity to explore
these interests in the privacy of your home, and without judgment.
It can help you
vicariously live out your fantasies and fetishes
There are some scenarios, such as voyeurism, that may not be
feasible or legal to do; but watching or reading pornography about it may help
you live out a fantasy without actually doing it.
It can prep you for
both masturbation and partner sex
Watching porn commonly used to get yourself in the mood to
masturbate, but porn can also be used as a part of foreplay for partner sex!
It can help you incorporate
new moves in the bedroom
Pornographic videos are known for showing moves that one
would read about in Cosmo Magazine. Seeing these moves in action (instead of
reading about them) can help give you a visual representation of how they would
look in real like.
The Bad
It can give you
unrealistic expectations for sex
Believe it or not, most porn is staged and directed. Real
life sex is not. Therefore, expecting sex in real life to mirror what you see
or read in pornography/erotica is not realistic. Sex is not always perfect, and
that’s okay!
It can give you
unrealistic ideas of what genitalia is supposed to look like
Like in most popular media, beauty standards also exist in pornography. Our expectations of what our genitalia is supposed to look like can be skewed by looking at porn. It’s important to remember that
our body parts are unique and not to judge what ours looks like based on these images.
The Ugly
You can end up harming
or violating your partner because you assumed they would like a certain
position or sexual scenario
A lot of porn is
aggressive and sometimes violent, and often skips consent to sex and the use of
barrier protection. Assuming that sex is only supposed to be that (without
checking in with your partner) is damaging and can end up hurting your partner.
Porn addictions are
real and serious
Many behaviors can become addictive, and watching porn is
not excluded. Signs of porn addiction include decreased interest in actual
sexual activity, skipping daily responsibilities (such as going to school or
work) to watch porn, and many more. This could not only be extremely harmful
for your relationships, but also for yourself. If you think you or someone you
know may be addicted to porn, there is help.
Some aspects of the
porn industry are shady
There are parts of the porn industry that people have issues
with. Some of these complaints include the ways some porn workers are treated
in the workplace, and the ways that porn is linked to racism,
sexism, and
transphobia. These are issues that should always be considered if you choose to watch porn
and what type of porn you watch.
Although these points do not represent all opinions when it
comes to pornography, these are some points you should research before you take
a stance on this topic or decide to watch pornography.
Remember that you need
to be 18 and over to legally view porn in the United States.
If you think you have
a porn addiction, a visiting a mental health provider is a great start to
overcoming addiction.
It’s hard for a lot of us to recognize that commercial sexual
exploitation happens in our very own communities. Often times when we think of commercial
sexual exploitation, a very specific image comes to mind and it’s usually of
someone from outside of the United States; but we don’t realize that
prostitution or sex work involving minors in the US is also considered
commercial sexual exploitation. In New York City, it is estimated that 2,200 children are involved in commercial sexual exploitation every year.
There are many factors that can increase the risk of a child
becoming domestically trafficked such as poverty, running away, child
abuse/neglect, and sexual abuse, but these are not the only factors. This was
highlighted when we watched a clip Very Young Girls, which is a documentary revealing
this issue of youth being sexually exploited.
How can we help and become advocates? One way is to
challenge our assumptions of what a victim of sexual exploitation looks like.
Often, people see young girls (usually of color) who may be involved in some
sort of sex work and assume the worst of them. They may blame the victim and say
things like “She made a choice to be a prostitute/sex worker.” We need to
remember that a child is still a child and that no child can independently choose
to be a sex worker.
If you want to find out more about the work GEMS does, about
Commercial Sexual Exploitation and Domestic Trafficking of children, or how to
link someone who is a victim of this to services, check out the links below:
We want to say a big THANK YOU to all of you who came, donated treats and prizes, or brought friends and family to our annual SMART Youth Halloween Party! It was a blast and a great success, and it wouldn't have been possible without you awesome folk! Please stay tuned for our upcoming meetings and events!
This past Friday marked our last Hot Topics meeting, in
which we talked about the gender and sexuality spectrum. We discussed that
there are many dimensions that make up our sexual identities, such as gender
identity, gender expression, biological (or assigned) sex, and sexual orientation.
We focused mostly on gender identity, which is a person’s
perception of their own gender. Many people think of gender as just two things,
man or woman. This is called a gender binary, but there are so many other ways
our gender can be identified, which includes genderqueer, genderless, and more.
Gender expression is the way someone chooses to display
themselves (mannerisms, clothing choice, etc) and can range from being
masculine, feminine, androgynous, femme, butch, agender and more.
Biological sex, or sex assigned at birth, is categorized by
our sexual organs and hormones. Usually, people also refer to biological sex as
a binary – male or female – but there are more categories such as intersex.
Sexual orientationis about who we are attracted to, which
can include straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, etc.
Two of our guests at our meeting spoke about their
experiences being transgender, which is when your assigned sex at birth does
not match your gender identity. They shared what it was like being a
transgender youth and their journey to adulthood. They also explained that
transgender is an umbrella term and that there are many types of ways to be
transgender, including female-to-male, male-to-female, two-spirit, bigender,
and many more.
Each dimension stands alone, meaning that your identity in
one category does not necessarily affect or change your identity in another
category. For instance, someone was assigned female at birth and is attracted to
men. If they identify as a man, this does not mean their attraction changes; they
can still be attracted to men.
Although there were some labels listed for each dimension, there
are infinite ways to categorize (or not categorize) ourselves. So many aspects
of our lives make us unique, and our sexuality is no different.
Okay, so waxing had nothing to do with the life question
Hamlet was grappling with, but it’s something that many of us have thought
about, especially relating to pubic hair. There are multiple debates, both in
the bedroom and publically, as to whether we should let it be au naturale or if we should groom it to
some degree (trimming or complete hair removal).
We, especially women, are constantly
bombarded with messages from the media about how we should maintain our private
gardens, but are any of them valid? Is there a ‘correct’ way to upkeep our
pubic hair?
The History
Worrying about our pubic hair is not as new as we may think.
Actually, the practice has been around for thousands of years! In the Middle East
and other areas with hot climates,
it was common hygienic or religious practice for both women and men to remove
their body hair.
Flash forward to modern times – Removing hair from the
bikini line became trendy in the United Sates during the 1940’s, when bathing
suit bottoms became more revealing. It wasn’t until the mid-90’s that the practice
of waxing all of your pubic hair became a trend. It was introduced by the
Brazilian J.Sisterswho
opened a salon in NYC in 1987 and popularized by an episode of Sex in the City
where Carrie Bradshaw went to get a Brazilian wax.
Today, removing pubic hair is
almost seen as the norm. It’s common to see many salons offering the service,
and many people also trim/remove their pubic hair at home. Although women
receive the most messages about how to maintain their pubic hair, this is not
only a women’s concern. There is a rising trend in men also trimming or
removing their pubic hair, also called “manscaping.”
Types of Hair Removal
There tend to be three categories in which people generally
style their pubic hair:
Natural – This is when the pubic hair is left untouched
Trimmed – This is when the pubic hair is cut to a shorter
length, but not removed,
Shaped/Removed – This is when the pubic hair is removed
either completely from the area, or is shaped depending on your preference. This
can range from removing just the hair on your “bikini line”, to going
completely bare.
Methods of Hair
Removal
There are many ways you can trim or remove pubic hair. Each
technique yields different results, as well as has its own pros and cons.
Shaving: This is
when you use a razor to cut hair down to the skin. While shaving is one of the
easiest and cheapest ways of hair removal (you can do it yourself in the
shower!), it only cuts the hair off, meaning your hair will grow back at its
normal rate. Shaving also means that the hair is cut off bluntly, which not only
makes your hair feel courser and prickly when it grows back, but also puts you
at greater risk for ingrown hairs.
Waxing/Sugaring:
This is when a very tacky paste, such as hot wax, is spread across and quickly
pulled from the skin, removing the hair from its root (follicle). Because the
hair is removed from the root, it slows the rate the hair will grow back. The
hair also grows back softer because it’s not cut. This method is not only
costly, but is also painful because the pubic area is very sensitive. It is
best to get it done professionally.
Depilatories: This
is a chemical paste that removes the hair by dissolving it. It’s a fairly easy,
painless, and inexpensive process. Since harsh chemicals are used, it’s very
important to read the directions on any depilatory product…especially because
the pubic area is sensitive. Only use depilatories that are specifically for
pubic hair removal.
Long term/Permanent Removal:
There are two methods of long term hair removal. Laser hair removal involves
removing hair by pulsating laser light onto the hair follicle and destroying
the root. This allows hair growth to be slower and slower over time, although
not permanent. On the other hand, electrolysis is the only permanent hair
removal technique, given that it actually destroys the hair cells responsible
for growth. Both procedures are painful and extremely expensive, so they’re
recommended for smaller areas on the body.
The Great Debate
For as many people who are fans of pubic hair grooming,
there are just as many who are not. There are multiple arguments for and
against grooming. Some believe that it is most hygienic to be “bare down
there”, with
people crediting pubic hair removal for the eradication of pubic lice.
Others believe that removing all of your pubic hair is wrong because it perpetuates
“porn culture.”
Many people feel that the porn industry is responsible –through the way they
display women’s labia in porn scenes – for convincing both men and women that
having no pubic hair is more attractive, which creates a beauty standard.
There are multiple reasons for why people choose or don’t
choose to keep or remove their pubic hair, but you should never feel that you have to do anything to your pubic hair
– let alone any part of your body – to please someone or to follow a trend. If
you think it is right for you, you can access safety tips for shaving and waxing linked here and here.
Do what’s right and comfortable for you. Your choice to wax,
shave, or trim is just as valid as your choice not to; and that’s what it is, YOUR choice!
Last Friday, Gloria Searson from SMART and COPE joined SMART
Youth to talk about something that’s been buzzing in the news lately: PrEP and
PEP
For those who may not know, PrEP – which stands for
Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis – is a pill that a person who is HIV-negative can take
once a day to dramatically decrease their risk of getting HIV. It has to be
taken consistently in order for the medication to be most effective. On the
other hand, PEP – which stands for Post-Exposure Prophylaxis – is medication an
HIV-negative person take after they may have been exposed to the HIV virus to
decrease the chances of the virus replicating in their body. The medication
works better when taken as soon as possible, but can be taken up to 72 hours
after exposure to the virus. Both of these medicines have to be prescribed by a
doctor. For this meeting, we focused mostly on PrEP.
We discussed that there is a difference between who the drug
is being marketed to versus who would benefit most from the drug. According to
public health guidelines, PrEP is recommended for HIV-negative people who:
are in a sexual relationship with someone who is
HIV-positive
are in a non-mutually monogamous sexual relationship with
someone who is HIV-Negative and is
someone who is considered to be in a high-risk group
injects drugs and shares equipment with others
The drug is primarily marketed towards people who fall into
these categories; but our youth brought up other groups who would also benefit
from the medication yet are being ignored, such as sex workers. Sex workers
face a particular barrier to accessing this drug because sex work is illegal in
many parts of the world, including the US. PrEP is an expensive drug PrEP (it can cost $8,000-$14,000 a year), and because sex workers do not receive health
insurance for their jobs, they would have to pay out-of-pocket for it. This
would be a problem for other people who are poor or uninsured.
There are also people who fear that without proper
education, people will misuse the drug (which would make it less effective) or
start to engage in riskier sexual activity that could increase the rates of
other sexually transmitted diseases.
PrEP may be best for one person, but may not be best for
another person; that is a decision that is discussed between you and your
doctor. As young people, it is important to make sure we learn about the things
that affect our sexual lives because education and information helps us to make
more informed decisions about our health, whatever decision that may be.
For more information about PrEP or PEP, check out the links below:
Join SMART Youth for our 9th Annual Halloween Party at Lucky Strike Bowling, located at 624-660 W 42nd St, New York, NY 10036 (At W 42nd St and 12th Ave). The date and time is Sunday, October 26th from 12:30-3:30pm! There will be food, candy, an awesome DJ, a makeup artist, and a costume contest with great prizes! You do not want to miss this! Bring your friends, but keep in mind that you're only allowed into the party if you are between the ages of 13 and 22.
We continued our Hot Topics series with our third topic: HIV
Criminalization. We at SMART Youth have discussed this topic before on a
policy-level and talked about ways to advocate for those affected by these unjust and discriminatory laws.
These are laws and policies that prosecute people who are HIV-positive for engaging in consensual sex or other activities without disclosing their HIV status, regardless of actual risk of transmission.
For our meeting last Friday, we focused on how these laws affect us on a
personal-level.
We watched a video [featuring one of our SMART Youth
leaders!] that showcased the many ways these laws negatively affect people who
are HIV-positive. Other than not knowing their HIV status, there are many
reasons why people do not disclose to their partner. HIV is still a heavily stigmatized
condition that means potentially negative consequences for those who choose to
reveal their status, including loss of social support from friends and family,
job loss, or having their personal information spread to other people.
The purpose of these laws is to force those with HIV to
disclose their status to others, but when there are factors discouraging people
from doing so, it puts them in a dilemma. One would have to choose between
disclosing and getting backlash, or not disclosing and being arrested; both
results are harmful. Many times, people avoid getting tested because in the
eyes of the law, not knowing about your HIV status is better than knowing. This
is the opposite of what we want, which is to eliminate stigma and encourage people
to know their status in order to take charge of their health.
In order for people to feel comfortable and safe to disclose
their status, we all have a responsibility to create an environment for that. One
way to do that is to fight against these unfair laws and policies through educating ourselves and our peers.
For more information on HIV Criminalization laws or disclosure, please see links to our previous blog posts below:
HIV Criminalization: http://smartyouthnyc.blogspot.com/2014/06/smart-youth-discuss-hiv-criminalization.html
Last Friday, SMART Youth continued our Hot Topics series
with a meeting called “Where is the Justice?” where we discussed how crime and
punishment can vary depending on who is accused or where you live. This can
lead to different legal outcomes.
Sometimes, these differences also lead to discriminatory outcomes
for those accused of crimes. An example of this is how there are racial and
class differences in the way students are disciplined in schools. Students of
color are more likely to be seen as disruptive in school and more likely to be
suspended or expelled. This discrimination contributes to higher rates of
students of color getting left back or not completing school.
Who is responsible for serving justice? In the many examples
that were talked about, the punishments were given by groups not traditionally seen
as enforcers. For instance, the NFL suspended Ray Rice indefinitely for the
assault. Some feel that this was the right move by the NFL, but others feel that
it is not the organization’s responsibility to punish their players for
criminal offenses; that it should only be the responsibility of law enforcement.
For sexual assault on school campuses, campus disciplinary boards
are the ones deliberating these cases instead of law enforcement. Part of the
reason why these groups are seen as responsible is because law enforcement
often fails to hold perpetrators accountable for offenses like domestic violence
and sexual assault. On the flip side, school discipline has moved from the
hands of school administrators to law enforcement, which many feel is excessive
because it exposes children to the justice system instead of dealing with
discipline in-house. This also has negative effects on children.
Our justice system is far from perfect, something that our youth
have talked about regarding multiple circumstances, including HIV Criminalization. We as youth should be committed to advocating for those who
are unfairly treated by the system in the hopes that it will be practiced
fairly for everyone in the near future.
We have many interesting events coming up, including our SMART Youth Halloween party at Lucky Strike! Check out our calendar below. Hope to see you soon!
This past Friday, SMART Youth kicked off the new season with
a discussion series called “Hot Topics,” where we talk about current event
issues that affect youth. For our first meeting, the discussion topic was Consent.
Whether it’s about new laws changing how we define sexual assault or the recent
complaints about the way colleges deal with sexual assault on campuses, we’ve
been hearing a lot about consent in the news and from our peers.
We talked about consent on a policy-level and used California
as an example; the state passed new legislation known as “Yes Means Yes” which
redefines the way sexual assault accusations are determined in the state. This
means that in order for sexual activity to be considered consensual, there needs
to be an affirmative “yes.” This is different than the current standard “No
Means No,” which requires a person to say “no” for sexual activity to be not be
consensual. This new law is important because it clears up many ambiguous
situations that occur when a person is unable to say “no” to sex.
It’s also
important because it will apply to all colleges in California and set an
example for colleges across the country. One college that we highlighted was
Columbia University, where a college student name Emma Sulkowicz is protesting her
school’s decision not to discipline her alleged rapist by carrying around her
dorm mattress. Laws like this would help reshape the way college campuses and
law enforcement deal with sexual assault.
So how can we apply consent to our lives?
We discussed that consent has many layers beyond just saying
“yes” to sexual activity. Many of our youth added that consent should not only
be expressed, it should be enthusiastic. We also discussed that consent isn’t something
that is said once and applied to all sexual activity. Not only should we check
in with our partners along the way, but we should also realize that consent can
be taken back at any point, and that decision should always be respected. Consent
should be an integral part of our sexual lives because it contributes to
healthy sexual relationships. Consent is all of our responsibility.
If you think you may be a victim of sexual assault, below are online resources:
We
all have that one thing that really gets us in the mood. It could be a certain
song because the lyrics remind you of something, or that special scent that you
love because your partner wears it; but have you ever felt like that one thing
that turns you on
isn't shared by others? Does it seem a little different or uncommon. You might have a fetish!
Remember
that arousal is different for every person, and that’s okay. Exploring your
sexuality in this way can be an exciting process!
These two definitions are very similar, so we’ll break it down with some
examples: If the sight of feet really gets you going, it’s probably a foot
paraphilia. If you require feet to be incorporated in your sex act (like touching,
smelling, licking, etc) in order to experience sexual satisfaction, then it is probably
a foot fetish. Most of the time when we talk about fetishes, we’re actually
referring to paraphilia, which is why the meanings of these words get confused.
There are hundreds of fetishes and paraphilia. Some are well-known like
the BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) scene, which involves
role-playing with the behaviors of dominance/submission and by receiving or
inflicting pain. Some fetishes/paraphilia are viewed as uncommon or may seem
strange to us, like popping balloons or wearing animal costumes while having
sex.
So— is it bad to have a fetish or paraphilia? If it does not interfere with your or someone’s life in a negative way, it isn't bad at all...even if they seem out of the ordinary for most people. For some, the biggest challenge of having a fetish or paraphilia is simply communicating to a partner about their sexual desires. This can make anyone feel awkward or vulnerable when disclosing personal information to our intimate partners. Like anything else when it comes to sex, it is very important to communicate with our sexual partners. Not only will this allow you and your partner to be on the same page, but they may be very willing to accommodate your desires. They may even share your same fetish or paraphilia!
Other people may also share your fetish/paraphilia. There are multiple communities of people with similar interests that not only provide a sense of belonging and acceptance, but are also great resources for information and finding friends or potential partners. These groups can be the first step in discovering your likes and dislikes. When exploring your specific fetish/paraphilia, it is still important to be safe. Safety can mean several things, like:
Doing research on
your specific fetish/paraphilia. What are the community’s philosophies? Do they
provide support or resources on how to begin and how to be safe?
Being mindful of
which communities (physical or virtual) you’re connecting with. If you feel
like you’re in danger, that you cannot trust the people you’re with, or that
they’re involved in illegal activities, you do not have to be a part of that
group.
Establishing
rules of consent and safety with your sexual partners. An example of this is using safewords.
Safewords are specific words or phrases that are mutually agreed upon and used
to let others know that we want to stop sexual activity. This is most commonly used
in BDSM, where words like ‘stop’ or ‘no’ are not taken at face-value and are
considered part of role-playing.
Being safe if you’re
meeting someone from the internet. You can find great tips here.
However,
certain fetishes or paraphilia can cause harm to yourself and others, or even
be against the law. An extreme example of a harmful paraphilia is pedophilia,
which is the strong sexual attraction to children. Anytime our sexual desires
and actions become distressing in our lives or the lives of others, it is very
important to seek professional counseling/intervention to address them. This
way, we can lead both healthy and fulfilling sexual lives.
As
mentioned before, there are hundreds of fetishes and paraphilia out there, and
this post is just the tip of the iceberg! If you want to learn more, here are some online
resources available to help you explore this topic on a deeper level:
“Does penis size really matter when it comes to sex?”
Seems like an age-old
question that is on most people’s minds (admit it, we know you've asked this
question at least once in your life) and never has a definitive answer! The
prevailing philosophy is that larger penises are more pleasurable…which is a
lame and vague answer. We all feel differently about this question depending on
our likes and dislikes. Even the research has different outcomes! There are
many sides to this debate and we’re here to explain them!
Size may matter, but not the ways you think!
Some studies show that
length may not be the factor in penis size, but girth (width) instead. In the
case for women studied, size mattered for those who have orgasms primarily through vaginal penetration because there are pressure-sensitive nerves that can detect stretch, which may
be more pleasurable. Men also feel the same sensations through anal sex, so men who prefer that
feeling of “fullness” may want a partner with more girth.
Goldilocks Zone
In general, men and
women don’t think size matters, as long as it is not on the extreme ends of the
size spectrum. You may think this applies to just people who have smaller than
average sizes, but this also applies to those with much larger than average
penises. The average erect penis is about five to six inches long and has an average circumference of 4.8 inches.
Also, the most pleasurable and sensitive parts of the vagina or the anus is the
first two or three inches. This means that unless the erect penis is smaller
than three inches, size shouldn't affect this level of pleasure. This also
means that a larger penis won’t necessarily make things more pleasurable. When
a penis is large (by either length or girth), it can lead to discomfort/ pain
during vaginal or anal sex.
He Says, She Says
What’s big for someone
may be small for someone else. We all have individual preferences and there
isn't one way to have sex, so size may matter to one person…but it may not
matter for another. Some people may like longer penises because of the
sensation of it touching the cervix; some may want a shorter penis because
directly stimulates the prostate; some may like penises with more girth because
they like the stretching sensation; and some may like penises with less girth
because it’s easier to penetrate. Remember that individual people have
different sexual body parts, preferences, and needs; so assuming that everyone
prefers a bigger penis is assuming that everyone has the same kind of sex.
It really is about the “Motion of the Ocean!”
You know the saying: It’s
not about the size of the boat, it’s about the motion of the ocean; that is to
say it’s not about what you have, it’s about what you do with it. Remember that
sex is not always about penetration! Not only do we have other ways to pleasure
our partners (such as using our hands, mouth, or sex toys), but sex is also
about the intimate connection we make with people. As much as it is about your
genitals, it’s also about how you feel and approach sex. With that being said,
if you’re feeling less than confident about your genitals or your skills, it
will show when you have sex!
There’s more to your
identity and sex life than penetration and penis size, and just because someone
considers you “too small” or “too large” doesn’t mean you and your partner
cannot have great sex!
Last Friday marked day two of our SAY! Advocacy University.
We focused on how to improve our communication skills in order to become better
facilitators. Having these skills in our toolbox will allow us to spread the
SMART Youth word about sexual health more effectively.
We discussed the importance and principles of public
speaking, which include diction, posture, talking speed/volume, eye contact,
and looking presentable. When we look and sound confident in what we’re talking
about, the audience feeds off of our energy and are more likely to pay
attention to what we’re saying. This means making eye contact with audience
members; making sure we project our voice and enunciate while we speak; dressing
and speaking appropriately depending on the audience; and avoiding verbal ticks
such as ‘um’ and ‘like’. We also talked about what makes us afraid of public
speaking and the ways we can combat those fears. These include breathing
exercises and “faking it ‘till you make it” in order to calm our nerves or
boost confidence. Practicing our presentation skills is very important because,
like a resume, “how” we present is often holds more weight than “what” we
present.
Next, we learned techniques on how to use our public
speaking skills as group facilitators. It’s one thing to be able to present
information well; it’s another thing to take those presentation skills and lead
a group discussion. Being an open person and a good listener are some of the
very helpful tips we learned that helps us to become better discussion leaders.
Other people may have different – often opposing – viewpoints for a topic, but
being able to successfully moderate those differences often creates fruitful
discussions. Our youth were then put to the test and asked to practice their
newly learned skills. Practice topics ranged from talking about One Direction
to discussing if community service should be required for young people.
As advocates, we want our messages to be heard loud and
clear. Equipping our youth with these communication skills will ultimately help
them to become better advocates and leaders! Come join us for our next SAY!
Advocacy University workshop on Friday, August 8th!
This past Friday marked day one of our four-week intensive named
SAY! Advocacy University. The Advocacy University is meant to prepare our youth
to become better leaders and workshop facilitators in order to spread the word
about sexual health to others. We kicked off the first workshop by going over
the FUNdamentals!
We discussed what human rights were, why they’re important,
and how they related to advocacy. There are many human rights doctrines, laws,
and treaties that are created to promote the protection of our individual
freedoms. These include freedoms like the right to life, liberty, and security
of person; the right to health; and sexual and reproductive rights. The issue
is that although these documents have great intentions, not only are there
countries (including our own USA) that do not follow these guidelines, but
international groups like the United Nations do not have the power to enforce
them. This is why the push for human rights is also considered a social
movement. We as advocates are extremely important because it is our advocacy
power that holds governments and leaders accountable for their laws and
actions.
We then had a refresher on how US laws are policies are
made. Using The Affordable Care Act (ACA) as an example, we discussed the
process of this health care act; including the routes it took through both the
House of Representatives and the Senate (The Legislative Branch), President
Obama signing the act (The Executive Branch), and the Supreme Court deciding if
the act was constitutional (The Judiciary Branch). We then brought it closer to
home by talking about sexual health rights and how our laws both promote and
hinder them.
The recent Hobby Lobby decision in the Supreme Court stated
that corporations can opt out of covering certain medical benefits for
religious reasons. For Hobby Lobby (a chain craft store headquartered in
Oklahoma), this meant that they were legally allowed to not cover certain types
of contraceptives because they were not in line with their religious beliefs. Not
only does a decision like this only negatively affect one gender (Hobby Lobby
still covers vasectomies and Viagra), but it would be more harmful for poor
women and women of color because of the additional inequalities they face.
This again showed us that our laws and policies don’t
necessarily reflect science, and that the rights of some are valued more than
the rights of others (the disadvantaged). This is why advocacy is important –
we need to fight to make sure our rights as young people and as sexual beings
are protected in our country and throughout the world.
Let’s talk about toys! Ahem…not children’s toys. We’re
talking sex toys. Sex toys are tools that we use to give us sexual pleasure. We've
talked about how self-pleasure and sexual exploration are healthy,
and sex toys are a great start to that journey; but they don’t always have to
be used for masturbation. Sex toys can be used with your partner as well and be
a healthy way to find out each other’s likes and dislikes.
So you want to try a
sex toy, but you don’t know where to start? If you’re new to the world of sex
toys, here’s an introductory guide to help you navigate!
Ye Olde History of
Sex Toys
Sex toys have a very long and funny history. Dildos have
been around since the Stone Age…literally. They were made from polished stone!
Many ancient civilizations used sex toys for purposes ranging from religious
ceremonies to a soldier giving his wife a dildo to ensure she will be faithful
while he’s fighting in a war.
Vibrators have a much shorter, yet more bizarre history. During the Victorian Era, there was a supposed
illness [that strangely only affected women…hmmm] called Hysteria, which had
symptoms such as nervousness, irritability, and depression. The prescribed
treatment was pelvic massages, which doctors would perform manually, until patients had a hysterical paroxysm (re: ORGASM!) This
was at a time when female sexuality and pleasure was not considered at all,
therefore there was very little known about it! Doctors complained about doing
these very popular procedures because their hands got tired and it sometimes
took patients long time to reach orgasm hysterical paroxysm, so
companies started making electric vibrators for home use! It’s no shock that
these devices flew off the shelves…that was until everyone caught on that women
were using these devices sexually. Sales of personal vibrators dropped until
they reappeared in the 1960’s!
The Sexual Revolution was the time when vibrators and other
sex toys made a comeback. The Sexual Revolution started in the 60’s and was a
time when Western heteronormative views on sex and sexuality were challenged.
With the popularization of sexuality in media throughout the 90’s and 2000’s
(re: Samantha from Sex in the City and the Fifty Shades of Grey frenzy), sex
toys are back and more popular than ever! And although the history of sex toys
has been mostly focused on women, there are all kinds of sex toys that serve
the pleasures of all genders, sexual preferences, and tastes! Sex toys are not
just for cis-hetreosexual women, they’re for EVERYONE!
So now that you have your history down, let’s get to the
nitty gritty!
Types of Toys
There are so many different types of toys out there, ranging
from the type of material it’s made out of, to if it vibrates or doesn’t; but
we’re going to break it down into a few different categories based on the toys’
functions. It’s important to note what these are not rigid categories; you can use a sex toy for any body part you wish, as long as you use it safely and
hygienically! (Links to pictures are NOT SAFE FOR WORK!)
As stated before, dildos have been around since the Stone
Age. Today, they come in all shapes, sizes, textures and materials [though not
in stone]! Dildos are toys that rod-like (most times phallic) in shape and are
used for sexual penetration. They can be used for both vaginal and anal
penetration, although it is important to note that dildos without wide bases should NOT be used in the anus. Dildos
can also be double ended, which is great for simultaneous partner pleasure. The
defining characteristic of a dildo is that they do not vibrate! If you’re
looking for a vibrating dildo, take a look at the Vibrators section further
down this list.
Although dildos can be used for the anus, there are some
toys that are just made specifically for anal penetration and designed to make
it more comfortable and pleasurable. Some of the types include butt plugs, anal beads, and prostate massagers. Butt plugs are shorter and differently shaped
than dildos. Most of them are conically shaped, with a very wide base to
prevent the plug from getting lost in the rectum. Anal beads are a toy with a
series of different sized balls attached to each other that is inserted and
removed from the anus to enhance pleasure. Prostate massagers are specifically
shaped to stimulate the prostate.
Long gone are the days when vibrators were attached to large
machines that had to be powered by coal. Nowadays, vibrators can be plugged
into outlets, can be battery-powered, or even be wireless. They can be the size
of personal massagers (Hitachi Wand) or be the size of your thumb (bullet). Many
vibrators have different speeds and variations of vibrations to choose from.
Some vibrators also have attachments to them to further enhance pleasure,
whether it’s an attachment to stimulate the clitoris or an attachment to
stimulate the g-spot or prostate.
If you want to be able to use a dildo without using hands,
then a Strap-On Harness may be right for you. A harness is something you wear
around your hips that you can attach a dildo to penetrate a partner.
Toys for the Penis
There are a few toys that are made to enhance pleasure for
the penis. Masturbation Sleeves are toys that are used on the penis and
simulate penetration similar to a mouth, vagina, or anus. Sleeves can come with
features such as vibrations, liquid, suction, and different textures throughout
the toy in order to accurately replicate these body parts. C-Rings are rings
that either go around the penis or scrotum to slow blood flow to the penis.
This allows erections to last longer. They also delay orgasms and can cause orgasms
to be more intense.
This is not an exhaustive list of toys, given that there are
so many ways to give and receive pleasure. Taking a virtual trip to a sex toy
website (or physically going to a sex toy shop) will introduce you to more
options!
Lube it Up!
When using your sex toys, water-based lubricants are best!
Although they don’t last as long and do need some reapplying, you can be sure
that it’ll be safe for your toy! If you have a silicon or non-glass sex toy, do not use silicon-based lubricants. Silicon
loves to bond with silicon, so when you use a silicon toy with silicon lube,
they join together and become gummy and tacky…which is not what you want your
toy to be! Stay away from oil-based lubricants also, as they are harder to
clean and may deteriorate the outside of your toy depending on what material
it’s made out of! If you’re using a condom on your sex toy, the rules for lubricant and condoms still apply!
Safety’s First!
It is super important to clean your toys before and after
use! To clean your toys, wash with antibacterial soap and warm water or wash
with hydrogen peroxide and rinse with warm water. Some toys require you to boil
them or put them in the dishwasher to ensure cleanliness. Make sure you read
the cleaning instructions when you purchase your toy. Do not wash a toy while it’s still on or plugged in, nor submerge the
mechanical parts in water. The more porous the toy (jelly toys tend to be
porous), the harder it is to clean. If you’re using a sex toy between partners
or using one between different parts of your body (especially switching from
anal to anything else), it is especially
important to keep your toys clean between use. Using a condom with the sex toy
is a great alternative, too. Just make sure you use a new condom with each sex
act and each partner!
Make sure you’re buying from reputable places! Sex toys are
not government regulated, so makers of sex toys do not have to use materials
that are suitable for bodily use. When you buy from a well-known or reputable
store, you can be mostly assured that what you’re buying is okay to put inside
of you.
So there you have it! Now go out there and have some hysterical paroxysms!
Growing up as a woman today can feel very complicated. They
are judged on their clothing, weight, choices about jobs, and their sexual
experiences. Sex is always a messy topic (sometimes literally), but a woman's
sexuality and choices are often the default in how society and everyone around
them defines them. Whore, ho, skank, thot, slut…not only are we familiar with
these words, some of us have even used them before to describe a woman who we
perceive to a lot of sexual partners. Ever notice there are no true equivalent insults
to describe a man who fall under the same category? Sure there are words like
player and stud to name a few, but none of those words have the same negative
tone as the ones that describe a woman’s sexual behavior. None of them imply
that having a lot of sex is immoral and shameful like the words used against
women. Some of the words used for men are actually positive and seen as something
to look up to!
Basically, this is slut shaming in a nutshell: it’s a double
standard that shames and attacks women for being sexual, while at the same time
glorifies men for doing the same exact
thing. It doesn’t even need to be as direct as calling someone a slut; when
one speaks about someone’s sexual habits negatively, or perceptions of their
sexual habits, slut shaming is still happening.
This falls under a social structure called “Patriarchy”,
which is a system of male/masculine dominance and power. This is the same system
that values “traditional” households (two heterosexual parents with the man as
the head of the house), allows employers to generally pay women less than men
for doing the same job, and contributes to women having higher rates of being sexually
assaulted than men.
But slut shaming gets more complex than just women being
called sluts for having a lot of sex. Patriarchy and slut shaming goes so deep
that it affects many groups of women in different ways, as well as both men and
women that are gender nonconforming. It is not only tied to sexism, but also to
(and worsens) other inequalities like racism, classism, homophobia/femmephobia,
and trans-misogyny.This means that women of
color are more likely to be slut shamed than white women; poor women more than affluent women; transgender women more than cisgender women; gay/bisexual people more
than straight people; and people who identify as feminine more than those who
identify as masculine.
What makes slut shaming even more complicated is that there
is no defined meaning for it. We just know that it’s someone who’s had sex with
one too many people. How vague! There is no specific number of people someone
has to sleep with to qualify as a slut; it’s all based on individual factors
and perceptions such as who is being slut shamed, who’s doing the slut shaming,
and the situation. Given that it’s so ambiguous, this is a clear sign that slut
shaming isn't really about sex at all…it’s about using power and privilege to
police sex and fit in society’s narrow views of gender and sexuality.
What makes slut shaming so horrible? Not only does it
support structures of inequality like all of the –isms and –phobias mentioned
before, it promotes bullying, sexual assault, and rape culture. Considering someone
a slut is often the justification perpetrators use when committing sexual
assault, as well as victims being slut shamed when they report sexual assault to family/friends or the authorities. This
is very damaging, and has resulted in people taking their own lives because of
the shame they feel.This also goes beyond just men calling women sluts or fearing sexual
assault — patriarchy is so prevalent that women slut shame other women, gay men
slut shame other gay men, etc. Because patriarchy is so dominant in our
culture, even those who are affected by it can still perpetuate it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l3h8fzv-BM
So what can we do about this?
Don’t let anybody shame you for what makes you happy and
what makes you feel good. Don’t let people bring you down! But it isn't always
even about other people; how many of us can honestly say that we have never
called another woman a slut? Unfortunately, not many. We need to stop
perpetuating this! Change starts with us, and we need to recognize that it
isn't okay to look down on women, or anybody, for how they choose to present
themselves, or the number of partners they choose to sleep with. It is
important to recognize the power that words and perceptions of people have over
one’s feelings of self-worth and value in society. If you are in a
position of privilege, it is important to recognize the privilege that you hold
and not use it to shame other people for their habits. And if you are a
victim of slut-shaming, it is important to know that you are not alone, and
that what has been done, or is being done to you is not okay.
If you have been a victim of sexual assault, do not hesitate
to call Safe Horizons at 212-227-3000 or go to their website at http://www.safehorizon.org/index.php
for more information on counseling services and what you can do. You can also
connect with RAINN’s Online Hotline, which provides live, secure,
anonymous crisis support for victims of sexual violence, their friends, and
families over RAINN's website.
Last Friday, we learned some great tips and techniques for
how to land the job that we want. We first started off with talking about the
importance of your resume. A resume is a detailed, yet concise way of
showcasing our experiences so we can get hired. Our resumes are often our first
impression to employers before they meet us, so it is very important that our
resumes are as perfect as possible. Employers can have tens or even hundreds of resumes to look through (the
longest they will look at your resume is fifteen
seconds), and the first way they determine the qualified from the unqualified is
through simply looking at your resume’s appearance. The second way is through
searching for important keywords related to what they are looking for in an
employee. This means having neat and consistent formatting, explaining relevant
work or volunteer experiences with the same language used in the job
description, and making sure that our resumes are totally free of spelling and
grammatical errors.
Both are acceptable. It depends on the field of work you're applying to!
Another first (or second) impression we make is through
interviewing for the job. Whether it’s because we dropped in to find out if a
place is hiring, or we were called back for a formal interview because our
resume was impressive, we learned that the interview starts the moment we step into
the workplace and ends on our first day at work. This means looking and being
your best. One important tip we learned is bringing your resume and list of
references with you to your interview. This way, not only do you have something
to refer to during your interview, but many times you’ll be required to fill
out additional paperwork before or after your interview – having your resume
and references with you will come in handy instead of trying to recall all of
that information. Some other interviewing tips and techniques we discussed
included dressing the part for the interview, arriving ten minutes earlier than
your scheduled time, being kind and respectful to everyone you encounter,
looking attentive and interested throughout the interview, answering questions
with specific examples of your skills and experiences, asking follow-up
questions at the end, and sending a thank you note to the interviewer within
twenty-four hours of the interview.
Regular white computer paper will do!
With these tips and more, we are now better equipped and more
prepared to tackle the work world!
Below are some more resources about resumes and interviews!
