Growing up as a woman today can feel very complicated. They
are judged on their clothing, weight, choices about jobs, and their sexual
experiences. Sex is always a messy topic (sometimes literally), but a woman's
sexuality and choices are often the default in how society and everyone around
them defines them. Whore, ho, skank, thot, slut…not only are we familiar with
these words, some of us have even used them before to describe a woman who we
perceive to a lot of sexual partners. Ever notice there are no true equivalent insults
to describe a man who fall under the same category? Sure there are words like
player and stud to name a few, but none of those words have the same negative
tone as the ones that describe a woman’s sexual behavior. None of them imply
that having a lot of sex is immoral and shameful like the words used against
women. Some of the words used for men are actually positive and seen as something
to look up to!
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| http://bobsegarini.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/nadia-elkharadly-lovin-on-the-road/ |
Basically, this is slut shaming in a nutshell: it’s a double
standard that shames and attacks women for being sexual, while at the same time
glorifies men for doing the same exact
thing. It doesn’t even need to be as direct as calling someone a slut; when
one speaks about someone’s sexual habits negatively, or perceptions of their
sexual habits, slut shaming is still happening.
This falls under a social structure called “Patriarchy”,
which is a system of male/masculine dominance and power. This is the same system
that values “traditional” households (two heterosexual parents with the man as
the head of the house), allows employers to generally pay women less than men
for doing the same job, and contributes to women having higher rates of being sexually
assaulted than men.
But slut shaming gets more complex than just women being
called sluts for having a lot of sex. Patriarchy and slut shaming goes so deep
that it affects many groups of women in different ways, as well as both men and
women that are gender nonconforming. It is not only tied to sexism, but also to
(and worsens) other inequalities like racism, classism, homophobia/femmephobia,
and trans-misogyny. This means that women of
color are more likely to be slut shamed than white women; poor women more than affluent women; transgender women more than cisgender women; gay/bisexual people more
than straight people; and people who identify as feminine more than those who
identify as masculine.
What makes slut shaming even more complicated is that there
is no defined meaning for it. We just know that it’s someone who’s had sex with
one too many people. How vague! There is no specific number of people someone
has to sleep with to qualify as a slut; it’s all based on individual factors
and perceptions such as who is being slut shamed, who’s doing the slut shaming,
and the situation. Given that it’s so ambiguous, this is a clear sign that slut
shaming isn't really about sex at all…it’s about using power and privilege to
police sex and fit in society’s narrow views of gender and sexuality.
What makes slut shaming so horrible? Not only does it
support structures of inequality like all of the –isms and –phobias mentioned
before, it promotes bullying, sexual assault, and rape culture. Considering someone
a slut is often the justification perpetrators use when committing sexual
assault, as well as victims being slut shamed when they report sexual assault to family/friends or the authorities. This
is very damaging, and has resulted in people taking their own lives because of
the shame they feel.
This also goes beyond just men calling women sluts or fearing sexual
assault — patriarchy is so prevalent that women slut shame other women, gay men
slut shame other gay men, etc. Because patriarchy is so dominant in our
culture, even those who are affected by it can still perpetuate it.
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| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l3h8fzv-BM |
So what can we do about this?
Don’t let anybody shame you for what makes you happy and
what makes you feel good. Don’t let people bring you down! But it isn't always
even about other people; how many of us can honestly say that we have never
called another woman a slut? Unfortunately, not many. We need to stop
perpetuating this! Change starts with us, and we need to recognize that it
isn't okay to look down on women, or anybody, for how they choose to present
themselves, or the number of partners they choose to sleep with. It is
important to recognize the power that words and perceptions of people have over
one’s feelings of self-worth and value in society. If you are in a
position of privilege, it is important to recognize the privilege that you hold
and not use it to shame other people for their habits. And if you are a
victim of slut-shaming, it is important to know that you are not alone, and
that what has been done, or is being done to you is not okay.
Resources:
- For more information on what slut shaming is in a broader societal context and how to stop it, you can go to http://slutshaming.weebly.com/resources.html,
- If you have been a victim of sexual assault, do not hesitate to call Safe Horizons at 212-227-3000 or go to their website at http://www.safehorizon.org/index.php for more information on counseling services and what you can do. You can also connect with RAINN’s Online Hotline, which provides live, secure, anonymous crisis support for victims of sexual violence, their friends, and families over RAINN's website.
- For tips on self-esteem boosters, you can go to http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/10/30/6-tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem/
- And for a unique take on this issue from a young woman’s perspective, you can watch her video at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/11/slut-shaming-13-year-old_n_11990
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| http://cdn.inquisitr.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Slut-Shaming-Study-Claims-Sex-Fight-Is-Really-About-Class-Warfare-665x385.jpg |
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