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Friday, November 16, 2012

SMART Youth Answers: The Biology of Sex

What is supposed to happen during sex? Going off of movies and television, it seems perfect every time...

As the lights dim, music swells in the background and two beautiful bodies, half in shadows, merge together in acrobatic but sexy positions with the camera panning to the window looking out at the stars when our two beautiful people reach their climax -- then it fades to black... HA!!!

I know movies aren't real, but there is something really fake about a sex scene on film.  I think the thing that bugs me the most is that no one seems to sweat during sex, or if they do, it's some sort of glistening sheen that makes them look sexy instead of the truth -- like they just spent 30 minutes (hopefully) doing aerobic exercise.  Life is never as pretty as the movies or TV, and sex is no exception.  No one is paid to do your hair and make-up, and you don't get touch-ups after every take.  But that's okay because everyone is in the same boat.

So, let's start at the beginning and speak the truth about what happens during sex...
1. FOREPLAY! - Every sexual act should have a beginning -- whether it's with your partner or someone you met at the club that night.  Anticipation is one of the best parts of any sexual act.  Now, everyone has something that turns them on, a kiss on the neck or whispering sweet nothings in your ear.  The down side can be that someone tries to re-enact a scene from a movie that doesn't work so well in real life.  Food, especially anything dairy, is an example of this oft repeated mistake.  It tends to be messy and doesn't taste great when licked off a sweaty body -- plus it can cause problems if it gets into your nooks and crannies!  If you really want to try it, use sheets you don't care about and please shower afterwards.

2.Sounds happen - some can be sexy and some can be funny, but sex creates its own soundtrack.  Don't stress about any strange or unusual sounds that emerge when sex happens.  If you and your partner already have a level of intimacy or trust, you can even laugh about it.  But if your sexual partner makes any negative comments about bodily noises, I would find a better sexual partner!

3. The Big O! In the movies, everyone seems to orgasm in perfect harmony and with a lot of sound and fury.  In reality, it is very rare for partners to climax at the same time, and so both of you should work to make sure that everyone leaves happy even if someone has to continue to work to please the other person when they might be happy to roll over and go to sleep.  Also, it's important to realize that you don't have to sound like you're on a roller coaster in order to show that you made it to orgasm.  Some people might yell, some shudder and others might make a face.  However, there is no wrong way to have pleasure.  Just make sure that you have sound proofing in your bedroom if you know you're a screamer!

The main point is that sex involves two people raising their heart rates and bodily fluids are involved (of course they will be contained in the condom that you are using) so don't expect sex to be pretty.  It should be fun, and good exercise, but just understand that it won't be as seen on TV.  Give yourself, and your partner, a break, and enjoy it for the sweaty, noisy (and condom wearing) act that it is.

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