I want to use a condom with every sexual act, how can I make sure my partner is on board?
Male or Female. Gay or Straight. I'm sure anyone in a relationship (one night stand or longer) has had to deal with the moment of CONDOM NEGOTIATION.
Not that it is really a negotiation...If one partner wants to use a condom, nothing should happen until that condom is out and ready to be put to its proper use! But... nothing in life runs that smoothly. Here are a few tips to help you with this dance.
1. If your partner becomes aware of the risks that you BOTH can encounter by not using a condom (unaware of STI's, unknown HIV status, pregnancy) they shift their tune quickly. You will have to EDUCATE them on this though.
If you are in the heat of the moment isn't necessarily the best time to give a sexual health lesson... but if that's the time that you realize it has to be done, it's better to do it at that moment than not at all.
It should be an educating process that leads to that big moment where you both have an understanding of the circumstances and the actions that you will agree on.
- With a one-night-stand this is a little harder to achieve, but essentially you are in a moment where it's a WHAM-BAM-THANK YOU SAM Deal anyways. So, just stating that you want to use a condom because you are worried about the risks may just put some reality into the air and you can both go on your ways with a little less stress...
2. When stating your point on using a condom, STAND YOUR GROUND! If your partner is completely on the other side of using it they may try and sway you.
"It'll be quick", "I'm clean", "That won't happen", "It feels better"
Keep your facts in your head and stay vocal.
No sex should happen without a condom if one partner has already stated they WANT to use one.
(If this doesn't happen this is a deeper situation within an unhealthy relationship that will be discussed in future blogs)
3. There are SO MANY different types of condoms!
(To read more about the different varieties, check out this previous blog: Variety if the Spice of Life!)
If the argument is that they don't feel good, maybe your partner needs a larger condom, or ultra thin!
If your partner feels they lack sensation, maybe your partner needs something with a little bit of texture.
If your partner just hasn't found a condom that fits just right... well... There's a female condom for that!
Which leads me to another point...
4. LADIES! If you are in a heterosexual relationship and your male partner does not want to use a condom, and seems completely unyeilding in wearing one, there are female condoms.
While they do take some practice for placement, and having your body adjust,
and you can't use them "in the heat of the moment" (since they need time to meld to the vaginal walls)
This condom does put more power into your playing field! You're already wearing the condom and you can get your business DONE!
(For more on the female condom check out our previous blogs: Putting the Spotlight on the Female Condom, The Female Condom: How to Use It! )
When dealing with condom negotiation it really comes down to getting the facts (no matter how scary they may be) and COMMUNICATING!
Gradually present the idea if you are not sexually active yet with your partner.
Make sure it is a talking point before anything further happens.
Do your research. Read our blogs. And try a few different techniques (talking, presenting different condoms, using a female condom, etc.)
There's nothing like a date at SMART Youth that will get a couple on the same page of condom usage. :)